you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
