i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
