Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
