Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
