your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
