Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
