Jerry, you need to find god
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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