o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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