Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
