im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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