I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
