It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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