When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
