If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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