they need to just BURY HIM!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize