I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize