I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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