I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
