Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
