it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
