im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
