Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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