you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
