I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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