I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
