you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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