This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
