I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
They have beer where we have blood.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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