My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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