I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
