I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
