Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
