His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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