Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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