And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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