Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
