Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found the puke drawer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
