Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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