I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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