the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
