he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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