Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
