The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
