I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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