I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
