I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
