he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
