haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
