its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
