she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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