Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
