Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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