She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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