You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize