I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will be naked everywhere
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
