okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
