She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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