Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
