If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Panties = found
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