he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
