I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
