No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
