dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
