I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
