I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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