just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize