he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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